jWiltshire.org

The Panera Manifesto

jWiltshire — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:42:29 +0000

I was hanging out at Panera the other day, chatting with a friend, when an interesting young woman in a hat handed out a handwritten page to everyone sitting in our corner of the restaurant and quickly left. Each page was laboriously hand-copied, word for word; at least five or six of these pages were made. I decided to scan in this “Panera Manifesto”, and make a transcript. Here you go:

Side A

F.Y.I. A Lady named Jessica Thinks.

Pets
need a spa
installed, immeadiately.
Nobody is having a very good time
on the Baggie Stroll.

Scar tissue is a before issue of pain. BLOCKED NOW!

Ladies Clean yo pocket w/ Hydrogen peroxide.
Rinse 3X w/ H2O. Mom smells the lump
of fertility. Yes, life is good! [drawing of a face] All, wipe w/
Hydrogen peroxide splashes! (Just stay out of
yo bottom w/ it b/c it empties you out,
Continuously!)
bloody

Drunk means you need a spa bathroom.

CASH should be beautiful and scratch ‘n sniff
deliciousness, or else what’s the point of
going 2 to the new $25.00/hr. minimum wage get up, even if
housing is not more than
$100.00/mo. TOTAL, and autos are not more
than $900.00 TOTAL, and produce is not more
than $2.00/lb, and gas is not over $2.00/gal.?!

Cancer is fancy for

Side B

“Ashtray please.”

Sugar juices you out, Salt absorbs H2O weight.
But smooth teeth and bones want H2O.

FIRE is majic. Smoke is beautiful. Herbs smell good.
★sunlight ★bonfires ★B.B.Q.’s ★thunder ★
★and lighting ★woodburning stoves burning ★
★apple and cinnamon woods ★ smokes ★
★beautiful like animated leaves in air ★
★snowbreath ★ snow ★ fog ★ myst ★ rain ★ air ★
★ wind ★ pinesol scents ★ scents…

The thought of something is not the EXperience of something
Memories
You can shape yo face w/ yo head in yo hands.
We are always growing beautifully. Posture
is yo Impression. Suck yo lips in for
BOOM out. Greasy hair is growing hair. Warm
H2O salt helps move oils along 2 ends. ★a★
★conditioner loaded combe helps w/ sleikieness

M.S.G.

Thanks,
L. Low n Deñero

What does it all mean? I’m sure scholars will be debating it for years to come…

News Hottie of the Week: Abbi Tatton

jWiltshire — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 19:42:20 +0000

I could have sworn I did this post before, but apparently not. Abbi Tatton reports on the internet for CNN’s Situation Room. She’s the lady who tells Wolf Blitzer what’s happening on blogs and Twitter, which is generally unimportant, but what ever you have to do to pander to viewers I guess? Anyway, as one of the first Internet reporters in television news, Ms. Tatton has explored Internet angles to stories including the war in Iraq, the London subway bombings and the 2006 midterm elections. She has also covered the emergence of blogs and the internet and their relationship to political elections and campaigning. She attended the University of Leeds and received her M.A. from American University. There was also, briefly, a blog devoted to her, I Luv Abbi Tatton.

Snowmageddon 2009

jWiltshire — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:06:07 +0000

So somebody was all a bloobloo bloo about the rain they were getting. We’re in the middle of a massive snow storm with a prediction of up to 15″ of snow. So I thought I’d show him what real precipitation looks like.

As an aside, Vimeo took so long to process this video that we actually got a few more inches since then.

News Hottie of the Whatever: Betty Nguyen

jWiltshire — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 01:00:42 +0000

Bringing it back! Betty Nguyen is a news anchor on CNN Saturday Morning, CNN Sunday Morning, and is a regular correspondent and contributor for many of CNN’s other programs. She was born in Saigon, Vietnam in 1974, leaving for the USA seven months later. She grew up in Fort Worth Texas and attended the University of Texas in Austin. She intended to become an attorney but instead graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor’s degree in broadcast journalism. Before joining CNN in 2004 she anchored at KTVT, a CBS affiliate in Dallas. In 2003 she won a regional Emmy award and was named a Great Women of Texas Honoree. She also portrayed a newscaster on Walker, Texas Ranger. In 2007 the Smithsonian Institute recognized Nguyen as the first Vietnamese-American to anchor a national news broadcast in the USA, and 2007 she was named one of “TV’s 10 Hottest News Anchors by Maxim” magazine. She also once met friend of jwiltshire.org meatypuffs, something even I haven’t done.

A Pontiac G5 Story

jWiltshire — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:44:46 +0000

Photo credit 5 Minutes to Midnight

Last week I was “given” the opportunity to drive a 2009 Pontiac G5 for a few days. The car had a few basic plusses, but coming from a BMW 3-Series, it definitely lacked a lot as well. We’ll go over all that in a bit, but first, a little background. A rebadged Chevy Cobalt and successor to the Pontiac Sunfire, this G5 is driven by a 2.2l inline-4 engine mated to a 4-speed automatic transmission. The 2.2l Ecotec engine turns out 155 horsepower at its peak, and 150 lb¥ft of torque. The base price for the little coupe is $14,995.

The little Ecotec engine gets great fuel economy, with an EPA rating of 23 mpg. Since my work commute is mostly highway driving, I got a little bit better than that, averaging 24.5 in the ten days that I had the car. However, the acceleration was rather sluggish. Zero to sixty time is reported to be around 9 seconds, but it certainly didn’t feel like it. Even worse was the automatic transmission, which was somewhat unresponsive. Attempting to overtake on the highway felt like an eternity spent waiting for the transmission to decide it was time to drop down a gear. Handling wise, the G5 was so so. It’s certainly no auto-x car, with loads of body roll, a weak weight distribution of 60/40, and a ton of play in the steering wheel. The car would not be described as a “joy to drive”. At best it could be described as boring.

The car did have some amenities though. I liked the onboard computer, which displayed old standbys such as the external temperature, fuel range, time, and two trip computers, as well as handy information such as estimated tire pressure for each corner, the coolant temperature, and an estimated percentage of life left in the oil. The headlights had an automatic setting that I left on the whole time, turning the lights on when a sensor couldn’t detect enough sunlight, for both night driving and cloudy days, and leaving me not having to worry if I left the lights on. The stereo had a 1/8″ stereo auxilliary input, allowing me to plug my iPod into the sound system, which was nice. However, the sound system wasn’t the best, with bass that was too loud and muddy, and trebly highs, but no midrange, making most music sound imbalanced. The interior was nothing to right home about, a standard plastic and cloth affair to be expected on a cheap car. The bucket seats were noticeably uncomfortable. My other big complaint was how poor rear visibility was. The massive C-pillar made checking your blind spot a guessing game, and the large-ish rear wing was a big distraction in the rear view mirror.

Overall, I was not a fan of the G5. As I stated before, at best it was boring. At its worst it was a testament to the lame badge engineering that made up most of Pontiac’s offerings, providing a good example of why it was a good thing that the brand got shut down, and a detriment to the good name of G5. Would not recommend.