jWiltshire.org » Overheard http://jwiltshire.org Ack! Ack! A Robot Attack! Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:34:21 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 The Panera Manifesto http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2009/12/14/the-panera-manifesto/ http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2009/12/14/the-panera-manifesto/#comments Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:42:29 +0000 jWiltshire http://jwiltshire.org/?p=714 I was hanging out at Panera the other day, chatting with a friend, when an interesting young woman in a hat handed out a handwritten page to everyone sitting in our corner of the restaurant and quickly left. Each page was laboriously hand-copied, word for word; at least five or six of these pages were made. I decided to scan in this “Panera Manifesto”, and make a transcript. Here you go:

Side A

F.Y.I. A Lady named Jessica Thinks.

Pets
need a spa
installed, immeadiately.
Nobody is having a very good time
on the Baggie Stroll.

Scar tissue is a before issue of pain. BLOCKED NOW!

Ladies Clean yo pocket w/ Hydrogen peroxide.
Rinse 3X w/ H2O. Mom smells the lump
of fertility. Yes, life is good! [drawing of a face] All, wipe w/
Hydrogen peroxide splashes! (Just stay out of
yo bottom w/ it b/c it empties you out,
Continuously!)
bloody

Drunk means you need a spa bathroom.

CASH should be beautiful and scratch ‘n sniff
deliciousness, or else what’s the point of
going 2 to the new $25.00/hr. minimum wage get up, even if
housing is not more than
$100.00/mo. TOTAL, and autos are not more
than $900.00 TOTAL, and produce is not more
than $2.00/lb, and gas is not over $2.00/gal.?!

Cancer is fancy for

Side B

“Ashtray please.”

Sugar juices you out, Salt absorbs H2O weight.
But smooth teeth and bones want H2O.

FIRE is majic. Smoke is beautiful. Herbs smell good.
★sunlight ★bonfires ★B.B.Q.’s ★thunder ★
★and lighting ★woodburning stoves burning ★
★apple and cinnamon woods ★ smokes ★
★beautiful like animated leaves in air ★
★snowbreath ★ snow ★ fog ★ myst ★ rain ★ air ★
★ wind ★ pinesol scents ★ scents…

The thought of something is not the EXperience of something
Memories
You can shape yo face w/ yo head in yo hands.
We are always growing beautifully. Posture
is yo Impression. Suck yo lips in for
BOOM out. Greasy hair is growing hair. Warm
H2O salt helps move oils along 2 ends. ★a★
★conditioner loaded combe helps w/ sleikieness

M.S.G.

Thanks,
L. Low n Deñero

What does it all mean? I’m sure scholars will be debating it for years to come…

]]> http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2009/12/14/the-panera-manifesto/feed/ 3 Maybe It Was a Titmouse http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2008/09/15/maybe-it-was-a-titmouse/ http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2008/09/15/maybe-it-was-a-titmouse/#comments Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:43:25 +0000 jWiltshire http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2008/09/15/maybe-it-was-a-titmouse/ Me: Any way, for some reason, our IT provider is our DNS instead of Verio, which is our host and domain registrar.
DB: Ahhhhh.
Me: So while Verio’s shit is pointing to the new IP address (which I still don’t know why they changed it), dns.bizco is pointing at the old address.
word
Me: So I have to call Bizco tomorrow, ask them to kabooble their DNS kerjigger, or whatever they do, and i’m sure we’ll get charged $200 for them to do it.
Me: Pretty sure that’s an O’Reilly’s book.
DB: lol
Me: “Kaboobling DNS Kerjiggers”
Me: It’s got an owl on teh cover.

]]> http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2008/09/15/maybe-it-was-a-titmouse/feed/ 0 Overheard http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/05/21/overheard/ http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/05/21/overheard/#comments Tue, 22 May 2007 00:11:25 +0000 jWiltshire http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/05/21/overheard/ Me: You see that people are using a bunch of AppleTVs to make an XGrid processing farm?
DB: Word? I haven’t. Wow
Me: Not really all that useful, but it’s good to know that you can do it.
DB: Sure sure.
Me: I’m calling it now.
Me: I give it six months… Someone is going to make an XGrid farm of iPhones.
DB: lol

]]> http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/05/21/overheard/feed/ 0 http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/04/04/465/ http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/04/04/465/#comments Wed, 04 Apr 2007 05:18:38 +0000 jWiltshire http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/04/04/465/ I’m not a manwhore, I’m just efficient.

— Said at work last night.

]]> http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/04/04/465/feed/ 0 Koalas aren’t hard they some little bitches http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/01/24/koalas-arent-hard-they-some-little-bitches/ http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/01/24/koalas-arent-hard-they-some-little-bitches/#comments Wed, 24 Jan 2007 22:09:36 +0000 jWiltshire http://jwiltshire.org/archives/2007/01/24/koalas-arent-hard-they-some-little-bitches/ In lieu of having something original to post today, I’m going to post something I found on the Something Awful forums. SA Goon Man of Wax works at an educational publishing firm, where they occasionally recieve little tidbits from teachers. According to Man of Wax, This essay was written by an 8th grader in Pittsburgh in the spring of 2004. The assignment was to pick an endangered species, and explain why protecting it is important. The typos and formatting are preserved from the original. To my knowledge, no aspect of the essay has been altered.

Richard XXXXXXXX Draft 2

I shouldn’t do shit. I don’t care about them they all could die and it won’t affect my life. I know a lot about them but I don’t need to think about them. They’re just a waste of time koalas are stupid they don’t help me with shit so why should I help them. If they all die there will be more room for the panthers and all the other hard animals. Koalas are weak a pit will get rid of their whole fucking family. That’s why I don’t like koalas.

Koalas have sharp claws but they are weak. They all small and fat and they be climing trees. I hope a storm just come while theyjust chilling up in the tree thinking they is hard and they’re will all just fall off. They just break they neck and shit. When they fall they claws are going to fall off and they going to be crying like some little bitches.

Koalas aren’t hard they some little bitches. They start climbing up the tree soon as they see a deer from like 50feet away. They stupid as hell they should put their brain in their pouch and put the kid in they ten they’re be able to think better. They try to be in the fucking kangaroo family. They weak as hell, talking bout they got a pouch a kangaroo so they their cousins and shit. Kangaroo’s have some big ass legs and whot do a koala got? Some little ass legs, they tails is little and weak as fuck kangaroo’s got a big ass long tail that can kill a fucking koala.

If a koala goes in the water it won’t be able to breathe with its little short ass. It’d fucking drown soon aas it take one step into the water. While they at the river trying to get something to drink a bear could just come to him and snatch its ass up. It doesn’t know protection because they don’t have protection. What they little ass going to do? It can’t scratch him. The bear will beat his fucking ass.

The important think about koalas is that just don’t care about tem and let them die by all the other animals in Australia. They’re not important just let nature do what it do and kill them. Koalas do not have a place in this world there’s not enough room for all the bitches in this world. So let all the koalas that’s in the zoos and shit. Let them go and put them back with their family. If you let them all go they won’t nothing except for that’s what they was put in this world for. Now you know why koalas aren’t important. They have nothing to do except for sitting around in the trees. It’s like they just was like they was sent have to die. Koalas don’t do nothing to help anybody. Thre would be just one more relative of the kangaroo that will be six feet under. Now you know why koalas are not important because there are dumb.

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