Maybe It Was a Titmouse

Posted on September 15, 2008

Me: Any way, for some reason, our IT provider is our DNS instead of Verio, which is our host and domain registrar.
DB: Ahhhhh.
Me: So while Verio’s shit is pointing to the new IP address (which I still don’t know why they changed it), dns.bizco is pointing at the old address.
word
Me: So I have to call Bizco tomorrow, ask them to kabooble their DNS kerjigger, or whatever they do, and i’m sure we’ll get charged $200 for them to do it.
Me: Pretty sure that’s an O’Reilly’s book.
DB: lol
Me: “Kaboobling DNS Kerjiggers”
Me: It’s got an owl on teh cover.

Overheard

Posted on May 21, 2007

Me: You see that people are using a bunch of AppleTVs to make an XGrid processing farm?
DB: Word? I haven’t. Wow
Me: Not really all that useful, but it’s good to know that you can do it.
DB: Sure sure.
Me: I’m calling it now.
Me: I give it six months… Someone is going to make an XGrid farm of iPhones.
DB: lol

Posted on April 4, 2007

I’m not a manwhore, I’m just efficient.

— Said at work last night.

Koalas aren’t hard they some little bitches

Posted on January 24, 2007

In lieu of having something original to post today, I’m going to post something I found on the Something Awful forums. SA Goon Man of Wax works at an educational publishing firm, where they occasionally recieve little tidbits from teachers. According to Man of Wax, This essay was written by an 8th grader in Pittsburgh in the spring of 2004. The assignment was to pick an endangered species, and explain why protecting it is important. The typos and formatting are preserved from the original. To my knowledge, no aspect of the essay has been altered.

Richard XXXXXXXX Draft 2

I shouldn’t do shit. I don’t care about them they all could die and it won’t affect my life. I know a lot about them but I don’t need to think about them. They’re just a waste of time koalas are stupid they don’t help me with shit so why should I help them. If they all die there will be more room for the panthers and all the other hard animals. Koalas are weak a pit will get rid of their whole fucking family. That’s why I don’t like koalas.

Koalas have sharp claws but they are weak. They all small and fat and they be climing trees. I hope a storm just come while theyjust chilling up in the tree thinking they is hard and they’re will all just fall off. They just break they neck and shit. When they fall they claws are going to fall off and they going to be crying like some little bitches.

Koalas aren’t hard they some little bitches. They start climbing up the tree soon as they see a deer from like 50feet away. They stupid as hell they should put their brain in their pouch and put the kid in they ten they’re be able to think better. They try to be in the fucking kangaroo family. They weak as hell, talking bout they got a pouch a kangaroo so they their cousins and shit. Kangaroo’s have some big ass legs and whot do a koala got? Some little ass legs, they tails is little and weak as fuck kangaroo’s got a big ass long tail that can kill a fucking koala.

If a koala goes in the water it won’t be able to breathe with its little short ass. It’d fucking drown soon aas it take one step into the water. While they at the river trying to get something to drink a bear could just come to him and snatch its ass up. It doesn’t know protection because they don’t have protection. What they little ass going to do? It can’t scratch him. The bear will beat his fucking ass.

The important think about koalas is that just don’t care about tem and let them die by all the other animals in Australia. They’re not important just let nature do what it do and kill them. Koalas do not have a place in this world there’s not enough room for all the bitches in this world. So let all the koalas that’s in the zoos and shit. Let them go and put them back with their family. If you let them all go they won’t nothing except for that’s what they was put in this world for. Now you know why koalas aren’t important. They have nothing to do except for sitting around in the trees. It’s like they just was like they was sent have to die. Koalas don’t do nothing to help anybody. Thre would be just one more relative of the kangaroo that will be six feet under. Now you know why koalas are not important because there are dumb.

What I’ll do When I’m Rich

Posted on November 1, 2006

Sarah was telling me about a horrible customer at work today (Sarah is a floor manager at a department store, so most days she comes home with a story of retail horror.) About a customer who was pissed off because his pants weren’t discounted by a coupon, because it was Valuepriced. His argument was that they can call anything Valuepriced just to get out of discounting it. She checked, and sure enough, there was a big display above the pants that said “Valuepriced“.

So one day, when I’m rich, I’m going to get a job working retail. And when Mr. Crabby-pants comes up complaining about his coupon, I will say “Come here.” And we will walk over to the pants. And I will point at the sign that says Valuepriced and I will say, “Well there is that, but let me check to make sure it’s right.” And then I will call Jimmy. Jimmy is the 13-year old retarded boy who I pay to live in a plastic Playskool house in the middle of the store. And Jimmy will come over and ask “Yes?” and I will reply “Jimmy, what does that sign above those pants say?” And Jimmy will say, in his own retarded way, “Valuepriced“. “And this reciept, what does it say?” “It says Valuepriced.” “And the coupon?” “It says, no good for Valuepriced items.” And Jimmy will take off his pointy cone hat tied on with a bit of elastic and put it over the head of the angry customer, belittling him everso in his own retarded way, and say “Here you go.” And he will go back to the little plastic house and the customer will know better to question me because he wanted to save a buck sixty-five.

A Modest Proposal

Posted on January 5, 2006

I got an IM today over Yahoo!, from a dude trying to get me to sell some diesel fuel additive crap. I’m guessing he bought into it, couldn’t move product so he’s trying to shove it on to someone else. But here’s our conversation…

Dude: hey
Josh: hey, what’s up?
Dude: i got a product that can earn you a shit load of money
Josh: is it drugs?
Dude: no
Dude: its a organic material that just came out
Dude: for your gas tank
Josh: amsoil?
Dude: no whats amsoil
Dude: this is bio peformance
Josh: it’s this crazy oil they sell, supposed to last a year or more between changes
Dude: no
Dude: this is a pill or a powder that breaks down your feul
Dude: fuel
Dude: an it works
Dude: i even give you a bottle at my cost
Dude: what i need to do is sell this stuff
Dude: i can get you in and in less than a year this will be a household name
Dude: give me a call 770 XXXX
Dude: name john
Dude: names
Josh: aight
Josh: what’s the active ingredient in this stuff?
Dude: its a enzime
Josh: what enzyme though?
Dude: it like a organic material
Josh: do you know the chemical makeup?
Dude: no
Dude: only the owners no
Dude: know
Dude: i put it in a 60,000 dollar truck and i got almost a 100 more miles a tank
Josh: what kind of truck
Dude: give me a call
Dude: dodge ram 2500 cummins lift banks package
Josh: ah i see
Josh: that’s the diesel, right?
Dude: yep
Dude: pepole are seeing any where from 6 to 10 mpg better in there gas
Dude: you ther
Dude: there
Josh: yea sorry
Josh: doing some work while i’m online
Dude: o
Dude: were having a metting tonight
Dude: you should come
Josh: if i can get out of work on time
Dude: what time do you get off
Josh: not sure yet
Dude: hold on
Dude: i see what time the meeting is
Josh: alright
Dude: u live in lincoln
Josh: yeah
Dude: this probaly sounds pretty lame huh
Josh: what?
Dude: what i’m talkin about
Josh: no it’s cool
Dude: i was a little worryed and skeptical up front
Dude: but after i used it and found out and gave some out i was like wow
Dude: you could get in this program and never go back to work again
Dude: i’m serious i made 500 hundred yesterday
Josh: well i’ll tell you what
Dude: what
Josh: i gotta get back to working here, so if i get off in time i’ll give you a call
Josh: what’s the name of your product again?
Dude: bio performance
Dude: give me a call any ways
Josh: cool, will do
Josh: you said your name was john?
Dude: yep give me 20 min
Dude: if you don’t like i buy you a case of beer
Josh: lol alright
Dude: names john
Josh: later man
Dude: later bro

I think I’m gonna say no, but I decided to post it anyway, in case one of you guys wanted to make a shit load of money.

Overheard at Work Today…

Posted on December 17, 2005

“It’s about as useless as a fart in a spacesuit…”

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