An Open Letter

Posted on April 19, 2007

To the lady behind me in the McDonald’s drive-thru that left her new Suburban’s high beams on:

Dear Major News Networks:

Posted on February 11, 2007

Please ignore the internets. Ah yes, I remember a few years ago, when you did ignore blogs and stuff on the internet. And you shouldn’t necessarily done so, there is important stuff that happens on the web. However, some time last year you started taking notice. First it was stuff like how organizations like Moveon.org could mobilize voters, or how predators were using MySpace. But then you started noticing the less important things. It began with well enough intentions, when CNN had two hip young girls as “blog analysts”, i.e., they would check Daily Kos or Little Green Footballs whenever Wolf Blitzer needed a piss break. But then it expanded.

The flood really began when Time magazine chose “You” as the person of the year. Then all of a sudden MSNBC (arguably the worst offender, perhaps in a ham-fisted attempt to draw in younger viewers) is covering popular search terms of the day. There’s a segment for viral videos (which, oddly enough, I never see other than on tv.) You’re showing YouTube clips. Great idea guys! Let’s take a jerky, pixellated, crappy .flv file and blow it up for the tv! So people can watch this lady with a funny hat fall on a cake.

My favorite offense, coming from MSNBC again, is covering stories about websites. I watched a story about Facebook, and for the graphic you showed a page of search results. With all the pictures and personal information mosaic’d out so as not to show anything revealing. Which means we have a white page with some blurs, some generic text, and more blurs. Genius news coverage, both boring and uninformational.

So news organizations, leave the internet alone unless it’s something really important. No viral videos please, no blog posts please, and I don’t really give a shit what some group of mouthbreathers typed into a searchbox on MSN.com. That is all.

Announcement:

Posted on January 30, 2007

I am officially not giving a shit about Windows Vista. That is all.

An Open Letter to Women

Posted on May 16, 2006

Just for future reference, when I’m talking to you, be it in phone or in person, I do not give ten shits about the following:

That is all.

An Open Letter to my Neighbors

Posted on March 29, 2006

Hello neighbors. How are you doing? I realize we never talk, which is kind of unneighborly of me, but I’m reaching out to you now. Did you know, that wall that you put your nice stereo system up against is a shared wall? In fact, it’s shared with my bedroom wall. The bedroom that I go to sleep in at a decent enough hour every night, whereas you enjoy playing your nice stereo until three, four, sometimes even five in the morning. It sounds like you have an air hockey table in there too. I can often hear you playing in there. Did you know that I enjoy air hockey? Also, it’s very nice that your friends visit you. I understand that it is a long trip up a flight of stairs to get to your door, but really, is sitting out front and honking one’s horn the best way to alert you of one’s presence? It seems to me that with the advent of the cellular age, one could very easily ring you up to let you know, or again, there’s that option of going up to the door. Well neighbor, I’m glad we could have this little chat. Maybe we’ll get to do it again some time.

Joshua

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An Open Letter

Posted on August 25, 2005

To the guy in the Best Buy parking lot yesterday:

Please note that having an unattractive girlfriend does not make you “indie” or “emo”.

I’m sorry, but someone had to say it.

-Joshua

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