The Panera Manifesto
Posted on December 14, 2009I was hanging out at Panera the other day, chatting with a friend, when an interesting young woman in a hat handed out a handwritten page to everyone sitting in our corner of the restaurant and quickly left. Each page was laboriously hand-copied, word for word; at least five or six of these pages were made. I decided to scan in this “Panera Manifesto”, and make a transcript. Here you go:
Side A
F.Y.I. A Lady named Jessica Thinks.
Pets
need a spa
installed, immeadiately.
Nobody is having a very good time
on the Baggie Stroll.Scar tissue is a before issue of pain. BLOCKED NOW!
Ladies Clean yo pocket w/ Hydrogen peroxide.
Rinse 3X w/ H2O. Mom smells the lump
of fertility. Yes, life is good! [drawing of a face] All, wipe w/
Hydrogen peroxide splashes! (Just stay out of
yo bottom w/ it b/c it empties you out,
Continuously!)
bloodyDrunk means you need a spa bathroom.
CASH should be beautiful and scratch ‘n sniff
deliciousness, or else what’s the point of
going 2 to the new $25.00/hr. minimum wage get up, even if
housing is not more than
$100.00/mo. TOTAL, and autos are not more
than $900.00 TOTAL, and produce is not more
than $2.00/lb, and gas is not over $2.00/gal.?!Cancer is fancy for
Side B
“Ashtray please.”
Sugar juices you out, Salt absorbs H2O weight.
But smooth teeth and bones want H2O.FIRE is majic. Smoke is beautiful. Herbs smell good.
★sunlight ★bonfires ★B.B.Q.’s ★thunder ★
★and lighting ★woodburning stoves burning ★
★apple and cinnamon woods ★ smokes ★
★beautiful like animated leaves in air ★
★snowbreath ★ snow ★ fog ★ myst ★ rain ★ air ★
★ wind ★ pinesol scents ★ scents…The thought of something is not the EXperience of something
Memories
You can shape yo face w/ yo head in yo hands.
We are always growing beautifully. Posture
is yo Impression. Suck yo lips in for
BOOM out. Greasy hair is growing hair. Warm
H2O salt helps move oils along 2 ends. ★a★
★conditioner loaded combe helps w/ sleikienessM.S.G.
Thanks,
L. Low n Deñero
What does it all mean? I’m sure scholars will be debating it for years to come…
Snowmageddon 2009
Posted on December 8, 2009So somebody was all a bloobloo bloo about the rain they were getting. We’re in the middle of a massive snow storm with a prediction of up to 15″ of snow. So I thought I’d show him what real precipitation looks like.
As an aside, Vimeo took so long to process this video that we actually got a few more inches since then.
Filed Under I Made This, Lincoln, Nebraska, Videos | Leave a Comment
Capital City Grill, Part 2
Posted on November 6, 2009AKA Never again.
My old roommate, Sarah, and I wanted to go out to lunch today, so I decided to give the previously reviewed Capital City Grill a second chance. It was a mistake. It was much busier than last time, having been featured in the Lincoln Journal Star today. I again got a server who seemed to have never waited tables before. She mumbled through taking our order. My roommate ordered a turkey burger and fries, and I ordered the Chicken Oscar with a side salad. A few minutes later the waitress came back and asked me what side I wanted with my chicken, mash or risotto. I went with the 3-cheese risotto.
A while later (it was busy, so that’s understandable), she came back with our food, but had to auction it off. For those who haven’t worked restaurant industry before, auctioning is the process of asking “who had the chicken? ok here you go. who had the pasta? ok here you go. the steak?” etc. Generally considered a big no no. Especially bad when you have to do it at a table of two.
Sarah said her turkey burger and fries were fine. My chicken though was a different story. I got a five or six ounce chicken breast. Ate it up in four small bites. About a half cup of risotto, which was tasty. Two sprigs of asparagus. No crab at all. It would seem the thing which makes Chicken Oscar Oscar’d, was forgotten. And the dish was bathed in a tarragon sauce which might have been tasty, but it had gelatinized, presumably whilst sitting out waiting for the turkey burger to be cooked. Tarragon jelly is not an appetizing thing. Busy is one thing, but half-assing one’s way through a $13 lunch dish and forgetting a crucial ingredient is terrible.
Notice I made no reference to the salad. That’s because it never came. C’est la vie.
So I won’t be going back. And with the two experiences I’ve had, compared with experiences I’ve heard from a few others, we shall see if Capital City Grill lasts longer than some of the previous tenants that have occupied the location in the past decade.
Next time I’m going to try Toast!, the restaurant that just opened up in the super-yuppie development just across the highway from me.
Filed Under Food 'n' Drink, Lincoln, Nebraska, Restaurant Reviews | 2 Comments
