The Panera Manifesto

Posted on December 14, 2009

I was hanging out at Panera the other day, chatting with a friend, when an interesting young woman in a hat handed out a handwritten page to everyone sitting in our corner of the restaurant and quickly left. Each page was laboriously hand-copied, word for word; at least five or six of these pages were made. I decided to scan in this “Panera Manifesto”, and make a transcript. Here you go:

Side A

F.Y.I. A Lady named Jessica Thinks.

Pets
need a spa
installed, immeadiately.
Nobody is having a very good time
on the Baggie Stroll.

Scar tissue is a before issue of pain. BLOCKED NOW!

Ladies Clean yo pocket w/ Hydrogen peroxide.
Rinse 3X w/ H2O. Mom smells the lump
of fertility. Yes, life is good! [drawing of a face] All, wipe w/
Hydrogen peroxide splashes! (Just stay out of
yo bottom w/ it b/c it empties you out,
Continuously!)
bloody

Drunk means you need a spa bathroom.

CASH should be beautiful and scratch ‘n sniff
deliciousness, or else what’s the point of
going 2 to the new $25.00/hr. minimum wage get up, even if
housing is not more than
$100.00/mo. TOTAL, and autos are not more
than $900.00 TOTAL, and produce is not more
than $2.00/lb, and gas is not over $2.00/gal.?!

Cancer is fancy for

Side B

“Ashtray please.”

Sugar juices you out, Salt absorbs H2O weight.
But smooth teeth and bones want H2O.

FIRE is majic. Smoke is beautiful. Herbs smell good.
★sunlight ★bonfires ★B.B.Q.’s ★thunder ★
★and lighting ★woodburning stoves burning ★
★apple and cinnamon woods ★ smokes ★
★beautiful like animated leaves in air ★
★snowbreath ★ snow ★ fog ★ myst ★ rain ★ air ★
★ wind ★ pinesol scents ★ scents…

The thought of something is not the EXperience of something
Memories
You can shape yo face w/ yo head in yo hands.
We are always growing beautifully. Posture
is yo Impression. Suck yo lips in for
BOOM out. Greasy hair is growing hair. Warm
H2O salt helps move oils along 2 ends. ★a★
★conditioner loaded combe helps w/ sleikieness

M.S.G.

Thanks,
L. Low n Deñero

What does it all mean? I’m sure scholars will be debating it for years to come…

Snowmageddon 2009

Posted on December 8, 2009

So somebody was all a bloobloo bloo about the rain they were getting. We’re in the middle of a massive snow storm with a prediction of up to 15″ of snow. So I thought I’d show him what real precipitation looks like.

As an aside, Vimeo took so long to process this video that we actually got a few more inches since then.

Capital City Grill, Part 2

Posted on November 6, 2009

AKA Never again.

My old roommate, Sarah, and I wanted to go out to lunch today, so I decided to give the previously reviewed Capital City Grill a second chance. It was a mistake. It was much busier than last time, having been featured in the Lincoln Journal Star today. I again got a server who seemed to have never waited tables before. She mumbled through taking our order. My roommate ordered a turkey burger and fries, and I ordered the Chicken Oscar with a side salad. A few minutes later the waitress came back and asked me what side I wanted with my chicken, mash or risotto. I went with the 3-cheese risotto.

A while later (it was busy, so that’s understandable), she came back with our food, but had to auction it off. For those who haven’t worked restaurant industry before, auctioning is the process of asking “who had the chicken? ok here you go. who had the pasta? ok here you go. the steak?” etc. Generally considered a big no no. Especially bad when you have to do it at a table of two.

Sarah said her turkey burger and fries were fine. My chicken though was a different story. I got a five or six ounce chicken breast. Ate it up in four small bites. About a half cup of risotto, which was tasty. Two sprigs of asparagus. No crab at all. It would seem the thing which makes Chicken Oscar Oscar’d, was forgotten. And the dish was bathed in a tarragon sauce which might have been tasty, but it had gelatinized, presumably whilst sitting out waiting for the turkey burger to be cooked. Tarragon jelly is not an appetizing thing. Busy is one thing, but half-assing one’s way through a $13 lunch dish and forgetting a crucial ingredient is terrible.

Notice I made no reference to the salad. That’s because it never came. C’est la vie.

So I won’t be going back. And with the two experiences I’ve had, compared with experiences I’ve heard from a few others, we shall see if Capital City Grill lasts longer than some of the previous tenants that have occupied the location in the past decade.

Next time I’m going to try Toast!, the restaurant that just opened up in the super-yuppie development just across the highway from me.

Capital City Grill

Posted on October 19, 2009

I had the opportunity to stop at a new restaurant here in Lincoln for lunch the other day, the Capital City Grill. Just opened last week, they’re located in the Haymarket in the old Magnolia’s location. The interior is nice, basically exactly the same as it was when it was Magnolia’s. It was rather chilly inside though. The restaurant was very lonely. At one point I was literally the only person in there, when the bartender stepped outside and the waiter went into the kitchen.

The lunch menu was a little small but had a good variety of options, including some intriguing risotto bowls, and a lunch-sized steak au poivre. I ordered a hamburger with pepper bacon, Havarti, and BBQ sauce, and a side of sea salt and pepper seasoned french fries. It came with a tomato slice and some mixed greens, which I liked rather than a single piece of lettuce. The burger was very good, big and meaty. The only downside was that there was way too much BBQ sauce on the sandwich; on the first bite the sauce plotzed all over my plate and splashed my shirt. Perhaps a thicker sauce or less of it. The fries were so-so, not bad but not particularly impressive.

The one thing they need to work on is their procedures. The waiter stumbled when he first greeted me and forgot what to say. The bartender’s mobile phone rang a couple times while I was in there. And while I was waiting for my food, my waiter was sitting a few tables away eating his lunch, where he apparently thought I couldn’t see. I do hope he washed his hands.

However, I do intend to give it another try sometime. Maybe get a steak or something.

Went to a Concert Last Night

Posted on October 10, 2008

At Lincoln’s Zoo Bar, Tyler, Matt and I went to go see The Bellflowers, Little Brown Jug, and Black Squirrels. It was a great lineup, we drank too much, and we enjoyed the show.

First up was The Bellflowers (MySpace Link), a good old fashioned country band from here in Lincoln. Their pedal steel player is one of my wine reps, and so that’s how I found out about these guys in the first place. You may remember them from a concert I went to a while ago, where they played with Loup River Band. From that came this video of them performing. I didn’t get any video of them this time, unfortunately. Bonus awesomeness for this band: They have an honest to god singing saw. You never see singing saw players any more!

 

 

 

Little Brown Jug from Joshua on Vimeo.
Second act was Little Brown Jug. The only video I shot last night with the D90. It was really dark and I was really drunk, so the cinematography is pretty bad, and I’m still getting used to the controls. But it’s a good song. Go to the Vimeo page to see HD. You can kinda hear Tyler and Matt yammering in the background, but it adds to the bar vibe. They have the cutest fiddle player ever in this band, by the way.

The final act was from up in Omaha, Black Squirrels (MySpace link). They were a little less old-timey with their sound but were very good. They had an accordion player, so it was a night for unusual instruments I guess. Definitely worth checking out.

Be sure to check the Flickr for the rest of the pictures from the evening, there were some good ones.

2 in 1!

Posted on January 17, 2008

Yes that’s right two posts in one! Went to a concert at Duffy’s Tavern last night to see the famous Loup River Band & Street Choir, along with friends Patrick Bradley and The Sleepover. There was dangerously bad snow out, so turnout was low, but Beerorkid was there, along with pints of very tasty 2 Below ESB for $2, so it definitely was a good time. The opener was Patrick “Motherfuckin’” Bradley doing a one-man set, complete with a singalong. That was followed up by a newer band, The Sleepover, which produced a great set. Finally, Loup River took the stage, and was fully awesome. It was guitarist/vocalist Jeff’s birthday, so happy birthday was sung, and cake was ate. How many bands give you birthday cake? Kickin’ rad. Pictures are at the Flickr.

Whilst at the show, I noticed a poster advertising “Feckin’ Irish Whiskey”. With a name like that, I was too curious to not try it. The bartenders were surprised that somebody was willing to try it. They had to hunt for the bottle, and it was brand new and unopened. Nobody knew what to charge for it, so we got it for $3 a shot (thanks Esteban!) So here’s another tasting review, for Feckin’ Irish Whiskey.

Nose: Very sweet, a bit of vanilla, almost no whiskey scent. A very mellow nose.
Flavor: Still very sweet. It’s a spiced whiskey, so it tasted more like rum than whiskey. The closest I can compare it to would be Captain Morgan, but with a bit of whiskey floated on top. It’s not a very complex flavor if I’m honest, and as I said, not very whiskey like. There’s very little barrel taste, and some vanilla flavor to it.
Finish: The finish was smooth and uncomplex, with almost no burn to speak of. As Steve said, it tasted better than it smelled. A couple of ice cubes dropped in served to mellow it a little.

It wasn’t a bad whiskey, but it wasn’t a very great one either, at least for an unwhiskey-like whiskey. If I were feeling more generous, I might be pushed to give it a 3, but as it is I wasn’t so much impressed as not horrified, so I’ll give it 2.5 out of 5.

Crabby Bill’s Mini-Review

Posted on January 3, 2008

Disclosure: Among Crabby Bill’s employed staff, one waitress, one bartender, and something like four or five cooks are friends who used to work at the country club with me. I’ll try not to let that color my review.

Crabby Bill’s opened up this autumn in the Lincoln Haymarket, at 8th and Q. As the name implies it’s mostly a seafood menu, with a delightfully tacky decór with a seaside shack theme. My only complaint about the atmosphere was the awful reggae music, but with a set theme for your restaurant satellite radio you are limited in your selection. And they are unaffiliated with the chain of Crabby Bills restaurants in the south.

Being as I work just around the corner from this place, and I know a bunch of people there, I thought I’d stop in after getting out of work early (sorry Tyler). Steve already reviewed the place and said it was nummy, so that’s good enough for me. Oddly enough, they remembered him too, because he was taking pictures.

It was a pretty slow night there (and all over the Haymarket, really) so I just decided to have a seat at the bar. I ordered me a greyhound, as we were having a discussion about them at work earlier that evening, and I could use the vitamin C.

Looked over the menu, saw some good options but ultimately went with the grouper ($17.95). I probably should have taken notes, but I’ll do with what I can with my vodka- and cold medicine-addled brain. The fish was massive, filling up the big plate shaped like a fish. It was definitely more than I was expecting. It came with a side of sauteed carrots and some “spuds”. The grouper was doused in a citrus-y buttery sauce that if I recall right, had white wine in it as well. It was damn tasty, and almost more than I could eat. The “spuds” as they call them, were big chunks of potato in a creamy-cheesy-oniony-bacony au gratin affair that, apparently got some bad reviews but I thought they were quite good. I’d eat ‘em again. And the carrots, so gooood, made exactly like my grandma used to make them. Like for real, she prepared them exactly the same as these were. I have to say I was impressed with my fish, though I was told by the chef that next time, I have to try the tuna. So I will be going back, after I hit up a couple of the other Haymarket restaurants for sure.

I Desperately Need to Leave this State

Posted on October 3, 2007

Usually when I read the opinion page of the Lincoln Turco Star (thanks Mr. T) I get all riled up by the usual cavalcade of idiots that write in to the letters section. However, today’s letter’s page has me furious. Quick summation of what happened: Maria Rosario Moreno, a hispanic immigrant, was found by police, brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend. The police had already had the ex-boyfriend in custody when the body was found. The Lincoln Journal Star ran the story in English on the front page last Tuesday, and in Spanish inside the paper. It was decided to run in Spanish as a courtesy to the Spanish speaking population, being as the story was of importance to them, and also to clear up any of the rumors that were going around in the community. When I saw the article in Spanish, my thought was, “I bet some people won’t like that.” How unfortunate that I was right.

I want to say first that I am all for equal treatment for everyone. I am also proud to be an American, and I am not happy about a Sept. 28 Lincoln Journal Star article being repeated in a foreign language. I don’t care what language.

If you want to live in America and be an American, learn the language. The language of America is English.

We are leaning over so far backward to please other nationalities that we are forgetting who we are. There have been calls to have the national anthem sung in Spanish.

It is required in some states that some teachers be bilingual and teach in both English and Spanish. I do not believe that if you go to Mexico they will do the same for you. You would have to buy an English newspaper and send your children to an English-speaking private school.

It is high time that we reclaim our country. We are Americans, and we speak English.

Marguerite H. Lehr

I don’t know if it was a mistake that could have possibly gotten through all the editors and page layout people, but on page 7B of the Sept. 28 Lincoln Journal Star, there was an entire article written in Spanish.

I do not appreciate paying for a paper that I can’t read … and if you wish to continue to publish articles in a language other than English, I will be discontinuing my subscription and wanting a refund for what I have already prepaid for the year.

I do not live in Mexico, Guatemala or any other Latino country; I live in the United States of America and did not sign up for a Spanish newspaper. I speak a foreign language (German), but I don’t want a newspaper written in German, either. … I paid for English, and I want an English-written paper.

Teresa A. Liesemeyer

Really? This is that much of a big fucking deal to you people? God forbid the newspaper try to disseminate information who maybe cared about the victim. Maybe some of her friends and family would like to know what happened to a women that was well-liked by her neighbors and co-workers. Maybe you could take a moment of your day, Mmes Lehr and Liesemeyer, to find some fucking compassion in your hearts for a community that has been hit by a tragic death. Maybe if you weren’t so wrapped up in your little bullshit “The spics are coming!” rhetoric, you would notice where your outrage should lie.

I want to write more, about how the letter writers are wrong, how they are ignorant, how their blatant lack of compassion or tact and their undercurrents of racism are an ugly stain on a city that I generally write, but unfortunately I’m far too pissed off about this to put words together with some strain of coherence, so I’ll leave it where it’s at, and hope that the number of people here that are in disagreement with the letter writers far outnumber those who feel the same as Teresa and Marguerite.

UNL wins 3 million grant to expand robot-based curriculum

Posted on September 4, 2007

UNL wins 3 million grant to expand robot-based curriculum: “The idea of using small robots to help teach children the science and math at the core of engineering and technology has attracted a 3 million grant.”

At first I thought they were using robots to teach children, which would be awesome (and frightening to children) at the same time, but upon further reading, I see that they are using humans to teach children to build robots. Which I guess is even cooler. I suppose making children cry isn’t the best way to get them to learn (at least, the government won’t give me a grant to research my theory…) Come to think of it, I wish I could have built a robot in school. I guess as a side effect the kids learn math and science and engineering. But mostly I want to build a robot. Some day….

Single of the Week: Daft Punk and Matthew Sweet

Posted on April 28, 2007

First single this week, the heavily filtered, hard-samplin’ “Around the World” by Daft Punk, off of their Homework album. This song is meant to be danced to, and this fact is well demonstrated in the video by Michel Gondry, complete with dancing girls, skeletons, guys in track suits, and just weird dudes. Daft Punk definitely know their way around a synthesizer and a sampler. For a list of their excellent use of samples, check out this post at Palms Out Sounds.

Our second awesome track is a Matthew Sweet classic, “Girlfriend“. The rhythm guitar on this song is straight out of the Bob Seger bluesy guitar book, and the lead guitar is almost psychedelically blasted all over, but they both play so well together. This is just a great rock song. Fun fact! Matthew Sweet grew up in Lincoln, NE. In high school, my mom dated him, “before he got all weird-looking.” I was in the sixth grade with his niece; she was a hot redhead, though I haven’t seen her since then. Good times.

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