Guest Column: Goddamn Happy Birthday America
Posted on July 4, 2008
Guest Columnist Earl Joe Maynard — Goddamn it’s been 222 years since the goddamn Illuminati started this little country we call the North American Union (Oh it might not be called that yet but in eight years when president-colonel Ron Paul unites the four nations on this continent [after Texas revolts and becomes a separate nation state of course] just you wait and you’ll see ole Earl Joe is right).
Goddamn kids already lighting off the ole fireworks next door without knowing what America is all about. You punk kids think you’re hot shit in a champagne glass but you’re just cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup compared to Earl Joe. You see I was over in southeast Asia killing Vietnamese boys during the secret Vietnam war all through 1974-1977. Because of me you sumbitches get the liberties you do without me coming over with my goddamn rifle and putting you in your place. And you don’t even recognize the fact. Bastard school systems don’t teach you about the secret wars I bet, because they’re too busy brainwashing kids into believing that George Washington started this country and not Adolf Hitler’s great great grandfather. Goddamn teachers probably believe that themselves. Learn your history people! Watch my public access show on channel 99 ever Friday night at nine thirty after the Tortilla Hour. Goddamn illegals and their goddamn cooking show. Ole Earl Joe will teach you all about what really happened when the King of Spain ruled America during the Civil War. Goddamnit. Happy Goddamn birthday America.
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Was Vietnam a declared war per the Constitution?
No, it was never a declared war per the Constitution, but we do a lot of things that aren’t necessarily in the Constitution. Although if Afghanistan and Russia were bombing the shit out of each other, I’d say that they were at war with each other. Even if they hadn’t passed a special document. I suppose we could say that they were both involved in “police action-ing” the other country if we wanted to put that spin on it. Police action sounds noble though, like we just pulled North Vietnam over for going 37 in a school zone and found a rolled up doobie tucked in the visor.
You guuuuys. He’s not talking about the Vietnam conflict. He’s talking about the secret Vietnam War. The one the government didn’t tell you about. Jeez.