Tasting Notes: Bruichladdich 10

Posted on November 29, 2007

Yep, time for another round of tasting notes. We’ll go with the Bruichladdich 10 year, thank you very much. Bruichladdich is a mighty tasty whisky from the isle of Islay, and the only independently operated one of two independently operated distilleries on the island (thanks Armin!) The distillery has been around since 1881 and ran until 1994; it then shut down until it was purchased in 2000 and renovated. Most interestingly, they came under the scrutiny of American intelligence, as their stills can be used to make chemical WMDs, apparently. Their website has a number of webcams from around the distillery, as well as videos of the whisky being made. Interesting stuff, but on to the whisky itself.

Its nose is definitely the lightest of the Islay bunch, not very smoky but still very rich. Touches of sweetness and slightly oaky. Tastewise it has just a hint of peat, with a lot of malty flavor. It has a very pleasant finish, and is surprisingly soft for a young Islay. I’m not gonna lie, out of all the scotches I’ve tried at JTK so far, this one is my favorite. Gonna have to ask for a bottle for Christmas, for sure. Mmmm.

Image courtesy of the Bruichladdich website

Guest Column: Steve is Looking out for Steve

Posted on November 24, 2007

Guest columnist Steve Whitaker — World look out, because the world isn’t looking out for you. That’s why Steve is looking out for Steve. That’s right, it’s a brand new Steve and I’m unleashed.

What prompted this change, you might ask. Well I’ll tell you what. Jeff Michelson’s sister, that’s who. Jeff is a senior at my school, and he’s a real fag. He’s always slapping me on the back real hard and calling me Wussaker and reminding me that my mom is hot. Not that I’ve looked. I mean I saw her coming out of the shower once when I was fourteen and I was all “Mom! I’m playing Grand Theft Auto 2, quit walking around naked!” Mom totally knows who’s really in charge of the house. Anyways, one day, Jeff Michelson beat me up after school one day. It was nothing serious, like I have a bunch of bruises and stuff, and my mom thinks I cracked a rib, but whatevs, I’m 17 now which makes me totally a man, so I just take it.

Anyways, his sister, who is a freshman, saw what happened and totally felt bad for me. She invited me over and gave me some Five Alive, then we went up to her room. She’s kind of chunky, but you know, the Steve sometimes likes them that way. We were sitting on her bed, drinking Five Alive and watching My Super Sweet 16, when all of a sudden she took her retainer out and kissed me. I was confused, but Steve is cool and confident, so I put my tongue in her mouth. After a couple of minutes of this I put my hand up her sweater. That’s right, I totally felt a boob. I think she liked this so I reached around to undo her bra. I couldn’t quite reach around her so I had to move a little. And that’s when I found out, bras are hard man! I kept pulling at the clips but I couldn’t get it. Then she heard the garage door opening which meant her mom was home. I had to sneak out the window and run home.

The old Steve was a loser, always getting pushed around. But not the new Steve. Oh no. The new Steve is ready for anything. The new Steve has felt a boob. And when Jeff sees me at school tomorrow, I’m going to tell him. “You might think you can just push me around whenever, but you know what, I’ve felt your sister’s boob. And you hitting me can’t change that.” We’ll see how he likes that!

A Lot of Booze

Posted on November 22, 2007

Click for big

This is what happens when I realize how full my liquor cabinet is. From left to right: Absente (Sarah’s faux-absinthe), Johnny Walker Gold Label, Navan vanille cognac, Maker’s Mark, Cragganmore 12 year, Kahlua, Phillips-Union vanilla whiskey, Bacardi Select, Campari bitters, Danzka Vodka, Hangar One orange vodka, Svedka vodka, Vermouth, Blavod black vodka, Pernod Pastis, Bombay Sapphire (Sarah’s again), Sazerac Rye whiskey, and Pama pomegranate liqueur.

I need to work on some mixology, see what I can create (though I think I need to expand the collection a little more too. Perhaps track down some 350/500 mL bottles for that). Really though, I need to drink more so I can work this collection down some. Anybody want to help?

I’m not concerned though, you’re not really an alcoholic until you are making your own simple syrup. (Which reminds me, I need to make some.)

I Defy Anyone

Posted on November 21, 2007

anyone to not have this song stuck in their head for the next week and a half.

The Cheeky Girls - Touch My Bum

Fun facts: Despite being a no-hit wonder that was once voted the worst pop act ever, the twin Romanian sisters (who got their start touring airport terminals and malls) have a new album coming out before Christmas. That is, if they can overcome their bankruptcy issues. Things are looking up though, they’ve reportedly had their boobs done, and one of them is dating a member of British parliament.

Touch my bum/this is life!

Tasting Notes: Cragganmore 12 and Isle of Jura

Posted on November 16, 2007

I thought I’d try something fun. I have a little notebook I carry with me when I go a drinkin’, so that I can make notes of the different things I try and remember what I like. I call it my scotch diary, though really it applies to any tipple. Anyway, now you can expect from time to time, a post, a review if you will, of what I’ve been drinking.

To start off with, the other night I cracked open a bottle of Cragganmore 12 year, a gift that was given me by an old friend. A Speyside single malt, the Cragganmore distillery has been running since 1869. This whisky is light gold in color, and has a sweet, mellow bouquet with a hint of sherry. Then I drank some. It has a very full, almost floral taste, with a bit of char. It is very smooth, and somewhat complex, with a smokier, less herbal finish.

3.5 out of 5

Next up in the ole diary, I had the opportunity to try Isle of Jura whisky. We have a number of scotches behind the bar, and I spend many slow nights smelling them and salivating. Me and the other bartenders have decided to do a tour of the many whiskies, so I thought I’d start with Jura. Isle of Jura is the only whisky made on Jura, and classified as an Island whisky, a subset of the Highland family. I tried the 10 year, which is honey amber in color, with a sweet, almost honey-like nose. Tastewise, Isle of Jury is very spicy, almost forceful. At first, it doesn’t have the heavy peat flavor associated with whiskies from neighboring Islay, though that “mouth full of smoke” flavor soon appears, with a lasting aftertaste.

3 out of 5

It’s Amazing

Posted on November 15, 2007

It’s amazing the things people are willing to do on the internet for the world to see. I just saw a fat chick get fucked live on Stickam, and immediately after ‘maxing, her lover invites his brother into the room to play Magic The Gathering off camera. If they weren’t so convincingly trashy, I would thing it was high performance art. ¡Qué Romántico! I love the internet sometimes.

News Hottie of the Week: Jemima Kiss

Posted on November 12, 2007

Hurray, another news hottie. This time up: Jemima Kiss (pronounced “kish”, apparently), columnist for the Guardian. Ms. Kiss writes the Guardian’s gadget/tech blog PDA. On top of being an intelligent and attractive geek, she’s also a huge Apple fan. (DB look away for this sentence) And she’s a fan of her recently purchased iPhone. (DB continue reading) She has a personal blog that’s interesting as well. And let’s face it, the Guardian blog is far better written than CrunchGear. So there is that.

7 Things You Didn’t Know About the McRib

Posted on November 10, 2007

Ah, every year McDonalds unleashes the McRib upon the country, and it is our duty to eat one as remembrance of how disappointing it is. And thus, I present to you a list of facts about the beloved ribwich.

1. The original boneless rib sandwich was invented in Sweden in 1547 when King Gustav Vasa’s castle was besieged by rebels from the town of Småland. All that was left to feed his troops were loaves of bread, twelve boars, and a smoked sauce made from honey called rydbojölk. King Gustav I ordered the sidemeats peeled from the boars and placed directly from the boar onto the sandwich, raw and drizzled with the rydbojölk. Onions, pickles, and cooking were added in later generations.
2. The modern McRib was developed in a laboratory at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln. Scientists were working towards creating a stronger caulking compound when a careless lab technician spilled some of his McNugget BBQ sauce onto the drying compound. The slotted shape of the sandwich was originally due to planks of wood laid across the compound to see how well it would bond to the wood. Soy paste and a small percentage of sawdust from the wood were added to give the sandwich/caulk a more palatable mouthfeel.
3. The world record for the most McRibs eaten goes to the late Olaf Gustafson, a Swedish immigrant who, upon emigrating to the United States in 1982, was so excited to discover his favorite food from his homeland was featured on the menu at a New York McDonalds, he swore to eat one every day. He consumed 796 McRibs before his death in early 1985 of advanced heart disease.
4. The worled record for most McRibs eaten in a single sitting belongs to Japanese salaryman Takahashi Matsuzaka, who in 1998 consumed 23 of the sandwiches in a thirty minute span of time. Immediately upon completing this astonishing feat, doctors pumped two pints of BBQ sauce from his stomach.
5. Pop musician Joe Jackson’s song “Steppin’ Out” was inspired by a girlfriend who took him on a date to McDonald’s. They were “steppin’ out” for a McRib. The lyric “But nothing hides the colour of the lights that shine” refers to the red and yellow arched sign about the fast food restaurant.
6. A very rare, but incredibly popular, phenomenon is when McDonald’s corporate release calendars align in such a manner that the McRib sandwich and the Shamrock Shake are available in the same time period. Called the “Black ‘n’ Irish” by some, many locations offer this combination as a special combo meal. The sweet sauce of the McRib and the minty flavor of the Shamrock Shake are perfect compliments to each other. This phenomenon occurs approximately thrice every decade.
7. Former Prime Minister of Estonia Mart Laar was so fond of the sandwich that he requested a McRib plate, complete with french fries and a McNugget appetizer, as the official meal for his inauguration dinner in 1992. Twenty-two McDonald’s cooks were flown in from Germany to prepare 150 McRibs, 900 McNuggets, and 125 pounds of french fries, for various heads of state, visiting dignitaries, and national celebrities. It is unknown whether they had apple pies for dessert.

I hope you enjoyed these facts about the history of a popular sandwich, and remember, every time you eat a McRib, you’re eating caulk.

Depressing Spam

Posted on November 1, 2007

I don’t peek into my spam box very often, but I decided to check for false positives today. One common trick of spammers is to grab proper text to put in to an email, and include an image of some viagra pills with low low prices and a link to a website, so as to fool the junk mail filters. Doesn’t really work but I digress. Apparently this one spam email I received grabbed text from a news site, leading to the most depressing spam email ever. The subject line was “At least 136 killed in bombinh targeting Benazir Bhutto’s homecoming”. Already, I want to buy pills to embiggen my penis. After that there’s the requisite image followed by some clippings from various news stories:

ROME, Italy (AP) — A man opened fire in a courtroom in northern Italy on Wednesday, seriously wounding his estranged wife and killing her brother before being shot to death by police, officials said. Unidentified relatives of the gunman’s victims console one another outside the courtroom.

Russian officials could not immediately be reached to verify the report and the Iranian news agency provided no details on what Putin had proposed.

High demand has pushed upward the price of a pair of tickets for the final to as much as $3,000 in eBay auctions.

“He was shooting like crazy at everybody,” officer Antonio Turi said.

So, it looks like we’ve got a news story about a shooting in Italy, Russian president Vladimir Putin’s visit to Iran, and the rugby World Cup. Definitely would be just the thing to sell pills. Or bring down your day. Awesome!

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