Guest Column: Goddammed Goverment
Posted on September 24, 2007
Guest Columnist Earl Joe Maynard — Well the goddammed government is at it again. My check is late for the third month in a row. Every month I have to put off buying my bourbon and turkey jerky because some pinhead in a federal office can’t seem to get my check printed on time. Meanwhile he’s probably overpaid because the government ain’t nothin’ but old boys network and dimmycrats. And of course the Jews that run everything.
Of course, it’s not just the Jews that are in charge. Oh no, they couldn’t do it by themselves. They’s in league with the Illuminati, run by Louis Farrakhan. You see, the Illuminati need Farrakhan to control the Moonies and Shining Path while the Black Muslims build a base on the other side of the moon. Once the moon base is completed, the Jews will be able to set up trade with the space-faring Taurans and get interplanetary weapons technology. Of course, this is all unless the Chinese will be able to reanimate the corpse of Mao Zedong and develop interplanetary weapons technology of their own. I fought the damned red menace back in Korea, and now here I am saying that they’re our only hope. Things is crazy these days.
Believe you me, there’s gonna be a great war between Vatican-backed Israel and China soon. You know which side old America’s gonna be on. I have half a mind to go over to Italy and fight the pope myself, course I can’t get Roger and Dwayne down at the VFW to join up with me. Once I get them on my side though you can bet I’ll take care of this whole sitcheeation. Then maybe I could get my goddamned check on time every now and then.
Filed Under Guest Columns, Humour |
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
dude. this guest column stuff has got to stop. its starting to look like you have a multiple personality disorder, presenting several, well developed characters… i could report you to the county mental health facility, they can keep you for observation.