Awwwwwww!

Posted on May 31, 2006

I don’t normally post crap I found on the internet, but this is too damn cute even for me. Whoever posted this is a brave man to do this with a brand new computer.

Like Maaaan.

Posted on May 29, 2006

It’s one in the morning. I’m not drunk, but I should be. I tried. But dammit, they locked the vodka up. But it’s okay, because I’m totally listening to a mix of old school Bauhaus and Alice in Chains, and lookin’ at tits. Fuckin’ a.

By the way, does anyone want to start an electro band with me? I think I found a hot chick lead singer.

Guest Column: If I Were a Gay Dude I’d Totally Do Anderson Cooper

Posted on May 27, 2006

Guest Columnist Steve Whitaker — I’m totally not gay or anything, not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, I’m just not, but if I were, I’d totally do Anderson Cooper.

I mean, let’s face it. He is pretty hot for a dude. Not that I like dudes, I swear I’m not, uh, I don’t like dudes. He’s got some pretty good taste in music and stuff though. He likes the Clash and Devo and Arctic Monkeys and stuff. The Arctic Monkeys are my friends on MySpace, and I like that “Whip It” song. So I think we’d get along there. And he likes suits. I totally have a rockin’ suit from my sister’s communion two years ago. We could be like stylin’ bros ‘n’ shit.

I heard his mom was that lady that sold jeans on tv or whatever. That’s cool, I think that means he comes from money. If I were gay, which I’m not, I’d go for a guy with money. And he’s got cool eyes. I mean for a dude. Like you’d be all huggin’ on him and he’d be staring back at you with those eyes and you’d get lost forever in his eyes ‘nd shit. Not that I’d be like that ‘cuz I’m totally into chicks and stuff, I mean, yeah I’m a single dude right now because Lindsey Hansmeyer broke up with me when she caught me looking at her brother’s package, but I was just comparing, for reference and stuff. Not like checking him out or anything. I totally like chicks.

Friday Random 5

Posted on May 26, 2006

Yeah it’s totally Friday and shit.

• Josue Salazar - Numb/Encore | This is mostly Josue Salazar rapping over the Jay-Z and Linkin Park but I thought it was funny.
• The Immortal Lee County Killers - Lights Down Low | On their third album, ILCK3 definitely toned down their garage punk blues sound, but it’s still dirty and I still love it. This one’s very mellow, somewhat Stonesy.
• Peret - Voy Voy | Peret was rocking the rumba way back in the day, and on this album (Rey de la Rumba/King of the Rumba” he teamed up with a bunch of modern-day dudes to remake his songs. Kinda like what Sergio Mendes did, only good. On this track he teams up with one of my favorites, Basque reggae punk revolutionary Fermin Muguruza, combining Fermin’s dubsy breakbeats with Peret’s own classic style.
• Foreigner - Juke Box Hero | Who doesn’t love Foreigner? Best concert I saw at the state fair last year, even if it was only 1/5th of the original band.
• Eros Ramazzotti - Fuoco nel Fuoco | Yeah, Eros Ramazzotti is an Italian crooner. And kinda gay. But I dig this song (”Fire within the Fire”).

Links, except for the first one, open up in iTunes and shit. Look forward to another guest column by Steve Whitaker tomorrow.

Single of the Week: Danzig, Misfits, and Molotov

Posted on May 24, 2006

Single of the Week is back and with an angry vengeance. Up this week is tiny little rocker Glenn Danzig with a triple Single of the Week. First of all, his most famous song, “Mother“. Glenn croons out a warning to mothers and fathers that he’s after their kids. Or something. I’m not sure. Secondly this week is one of his older songs, with the Misfits, “I Turned into a Martian” and it’s Spanish language counterpart, “Marciano (I Turned into a Martian)” as covered by Molotov, who converted it into a sort of heavy metal cumbia. Check ‘em out yall.

An Open Letter to Women

Posted on May 16, 2006

Just for future reference, when I’m talking to you, be it in phone or in person, I do not give ten shits about the following:

• Your cats.
• Your boyfriend.
• Your ex-boyfriend.
• What you bought when you went shopping today.
• Your kids, the kids you babysit, kids you know, and any kids you might have seen today.
• Your assorted diseases.
• The time you almost wet the bed.
• The really cute/funny/weird thing your mom said.
• Any other really boring stories you might have.

That is all.

Yeah

Posted on May 16, 2006

I been gone. You know the drill. Horrible debilitating illness, broken car, work, etc. I’m on vacay now. I feel like doing something creative tomorrow. So maybe a post about my new guitar. Or maybe the keyboard I ordered will come and I’ll do something with that. Otherwise, it’s supposed to be nice tomorrow, perhaps a photo adventure is in order. We’ll see. Something tomorrow though.

Steaz Green Tea Soda

Posted on May 16, 2006

I was perusing the Super Saver’s aisles as is my wont, and two spots that catch my eye are the crazy wacky foreign people food aisle, and the “natural” foods aisle. I spotted Steaz Green Tea soda. It’s soda, that tastes like green tea. Except, that’s not enough. It’s not just green tea flavored. Oh no. There are flavors for the soda… No plain green tea soda to be spoken of. The options were mango, raspberry, or the one I opted for, root beer. At $1.86 a bottle, how could I not?

The taste: Pretty bad. Not as bad as the Berries and Cream. But it was pretty awful. There were hints of root beer, and hints of green tea, but neither was predominant. It was mostly just bad. Maybe it was just the root beer flavoring. Perhaps if I had gotten the mango or raspberry it would have tasted better. But is it worth another $1.86 (warm) to find out. I just don’t know.

I Have This Insane Itch on My Taint!

Posted on May 6, 2006

Guest Columnist Steve Whitaker — I have this insane itch on my taint! And it’s driving me insane! It’s right beneath my balls. I think it may be due to these new boxers I’m wearing! I didn’t wash them before I wore them, and I think the cotton is making me itch! And I’m at the mall food court so I can’t scratch it! Instead I’ll just squirm uncomfortably in front of these two hot girls and what appears to be their fathers!

I hope no one is looking as I pretend to look at my watch! Instead I will be adjusting my boxers in the hope that the seam will rub me just right to soothe the itch! I am now disappointed because it didn’t work! Why must I have this insane itch on my taint?!

An old lady is staring at me as my leg begins to spasm! She is rolling her eyes at me! She must have never had an itch this insane on her taint! I say fuck you old lady! And your gold bond medicated powder! I will claim I’m going to Borders to pick up a hot rod magazine! Instead I will go to the men’s room and scratch! I will probably not wash my hands, so insane is this itch on my taint!

Haha! Memes!

Posted on May 3, 2006

Stolen directly from DB and indirectly from Karin (yes, with an “i”).

Place an X beside the things you’ve done. This is for your entire life:
( ) Crashed a friend’s car.
( ) Stolen a car.
(x) Been in love.
(x) Been dumped.
( ) Shoplifted.
( ) Been fired.
(x) Been in a fist fight.
(x) Snuck out of your parent’s house.
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them for you.
( )Been arrested. Not Charged
(x) Gone on a blind date.
(x) Lied to a friend.
(x) Skipped school.
( ) Seen someone die.
( ) Been to Canada.
( ) Been to Mexico.
(x) Been on a plane.
(x) Set a part of yourself on fire.
(x) Eaten sushi.
( ) Been skiing.
(x) Met someone from the Internet.
(x) Been to a concert.
(x) Taken painkillers.
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now.
(x) Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by.
(x) Made a snow angel.
( ) Had a tea party pretend or otherwise.
( ) Flown a kite.
(x) Built a sandcastle.
(x) Gone puddle jumping.
( ) Played dress up.
(x) Jumped into a pile of leaves.
(x) Gone sledding.
(x) Cheated while playing a game.
(x) Been lonely.
(x) Fallen asleep at work/school.
( ) Used a fake ID.
(x) Watched the sunset.
( ) Felt an earthquake.
(x) Slept beneath the stars.
(x) Been tickled.
(x) Been robbed.
(x) Been misunderstood.
(x) Petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo OR jackalope.
(x) Won a contest.
( ) Run a red light/stop sign.
(x) Been suspended from school.
(x) Been in a car crash.
( ) Had braces.
(x) Felt like an outcast/third person.
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night.
(x) Had deja vu.
( ) Danced in the moonlight.
(x) Liked the way you looked.
(x) Witnessed a crime.
(x) Questioned your heart.
(x) Been obsessed with post-it notes.
( ) Squished mud through your bare feet.
(x) Been lost.
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country.
( ) Swam in the ocean.
(x) Felt like dying.
(x) Cried yourself to sleep.
( ) Played cops and robbers.
(x) Recently colored with crayons.
( ) Sang karaoke.
( ) Paid for a meal with only coins.
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t.
(x) Made prank phone calls.
( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
(x) Danced in the rain.
( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus.
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe.
(x) Watched the sun rise.
(x) Blown bubbles.
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach.
(x) Crashed a party.
( ) Gone roller-skating.
(x) Had a wish come true.
( ) Jumped off a bridge.

That’s about it. Go home now.

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