That Was One Bad Motherf’ing Date
Posted on June 23, 2004I had a date last Friday night.
I’ve been on bad dates before. This one blows them all out of the water. She shows up at my house, and she’s not at all what I was expecting. We’ll leave that at that. Anyway, we’re going to see the Stepford Wives, but that didn’t start until 7.30. She showed up at 5.30, meaning we had two hours to kill. We went to Ruby Tuesdays, an expense i wasn’t expecting, especially since I had just dropped $90 on new tyres at Wal-Mart today. I had the Thai One-on-One Burger, which was pretty awesome. Meanwhile, I’m walking around with this girl, and of course, every cute girl in town is out and about, leaving me wanting to shout at them “She’s just a friend!” I think that may have been a bit tactless, though.
Meal’s done, food was decent, and the bill arrives. I notice she’s not reaching for her purse. I ain’t wanna pay for a date that I don’t like… I pull out my credit card, and casually say, “I’ll pay for dinner, you pay for the movie?” She gives a non-commital yes.
The ride to the theatre is marked by silence, as I mentally balance my checking account.
We make it to the theatre, and once again, cute girls everywhere. Granted, most of them were criminally underage, but if a cutie in a pleated mini skirt wants to flaunt around East Park, dammit, I’m gonna look. She pays for movie tickets, we have to wait in a queue because they aren’t seating the movie yet. The date keeps going downhill. Even the thirty-five year old guy who’s going to the movie with his mom is looking at me like “You poor bastard…”
They let us in, we take our seat in the theatre, and it fills in. At one point, before the movie starts, I hear a shout behind me. Naturally, I look back/up. There happens to be an aforementioned cutie in a pleated mini skirt there. Bamm! Ass in my face.
So that was kinda cool.
The movie was awesome, with Christopher Walken, Nicole Kidman, and even Matthew Broderick and Bette Midler giving good performances. By the way, Nicole Kidman + short hairstyle = hott.
The ride home, once again silent. We get to my house, where her car is. I park in my spot, and shut my car off. “Well…” she says, trailing off.
“So…” I reply.
What is called in screenwriting as a “Pregnant Pause”.
She says, “I think I’m gonna head on home and go straight to bed…”
I “heh”.
She follows up with, “Yup, that’s what I’m gonna do…”
Me: “Heh. Yup.”
Another long pause.
At this point, I think she’s waiting for me to either kiss her or invite her in or ask her out again, or something, I don’t really now.
At this point, I’m thinking “If she’s going home, why is she still in my car?”
“So yeah….”
“Yep.”
“Well it was fun, have a good night Josh.”
We get out of the car, hug, and she leaves.
fin.
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