On Cosmetic Surgery
Posted on April 16, 2004So the other day at work, the subject of cosmetic surgery came up, when Elisha asked me and Corey, “If someone came up and offered you free cosmetic surgery right now, what would you have done?”
We are the wrong people to ask.
Corey immediately announced that he wants, and I quote, “The biggest man-titties you’ve ever seen.” I on the other hand, have different plans. You know those fake testicles that they put in dogs who have been neutered, so the dog thinks it’s still got bollocks? I want a second set of balls, just below the real set. Just so, you know, I’m the guy with four balls.
Elisha wasn’t sure what she wanted, so to help her out, I gave her a shopping list of recommendations that included:
Rhinoplasty
Tummy tuck
Dermabrasion to clear up her skin
And more
Girls don’t like it when you tell them what cosmetic surgeries they should get. They also don’t like it when you make fun of their little monkey ears. She got mad.
So i threatened to go get a sharpie, and mark the precise lines on her body, like real cosmetic surgeons do. She didn’t care much fore that, either.
