Vegas Baybee!
Posted on February 11, 2004So, umm, yeah, I went to Vegas this past weekend. And that was fun. I ended up taking about 60 pictures, which you can see here. Vegas is the city of lost souls and failed dreams. It exudes these things in mass quantities, like a musk of disillusionment. It’s fun! There are hot girls everywhere in Vegas. There are also freaks everywhere in Vegas. We saw an elderly asian lady who looked like Elvis. We saw a scary old scag in tight zebra pants. We saw the uber-mullet at the Nascar Caf. Vegas is great… Where else can you roll down any street, and the buildings just go liquor store, liquor store, massage parlour, liquor store, novelty t-shirt store, car dealership, liquor store, crack house, and find a video poker machine in every one of ‘em?
We had a fantastic time at the national MINI meet. We met at Ontario Mills California, basically a big industrial park-city, at 9.30 am Friday MINI. It was unfortunate that only 30 or so MINIs showed up for the caravan. We arrived at the Stardust hotel in Vegas at around 2.30 in the afternoon, and there were loads of MINIs in the cordoned-section of the parking lot. We chilled for a while, met with other MINI owners and such, and eventually got registered for the weekend’s events. It was here, that we got to play Mr. Rucky, the best nickel slot machine ever! It’s a chinaman making the “o” face! And the bonus game is ordering off of a Chinese menu. DB ordered correctly, and for this he won 50 bucks. Mr. Rucky bought us dinner that nite. I had steak and lobster. The lobster was gummy and the steak tasted, rather literally, like ash. Mmmmmmm-hmmm!
After that, we went to Cottonwood Cove on Lake Mohave, the resort that DB’s parents own, where we had a stay for the nite. It’s a gorgeous lake (clear blue water! not brown!) in the middle of the desert mountains. And it was f’ing cold. Like 40 degrees.
The next afternoon, we headed for Sunset Park, in Vegas, for a big MINI meet ‘n’ greet. About 60-80 MINIs were there, including a couple of classics, and even a Mini Moke (the little jeep-mini that was developed for [but never used by] the British military). The phrase of the weekend was “Oh hey, look, it’s a MINI!”. Yeah, that joke never got tired. Highlites of the event included Penn Jillete and his Stripper Pink MINI Cooper, and me winning a t-shirt that was much too small for I and I.
That nite, we got a double occupancy room at the Sahara hotel. It was there that it occured to me that Lance Burton, magician, looks like a gay vampire. That evening we went to the Nascar Caf (conveniently located in the Sahara, where we were staying that evening.) We got to hear a dreadfully awful lounge act rendition of Lowrider. Also, the bar at the Nascar Caf had a really hot Jewish bartender. I wasn’t feeling creepy-stalker enough to snap a picture of her though. Mikey told Don and me a dreadful joke about his penis, that ends with “Tiny’s Bar and Grill, Albuquerque New Mexico!” That’s why we love Mikey. I also got to meet Patrice, who found me out as a fellow Nebraskan. She had met an Australian online, he came to Nebraska, where they married, and eventually the moved to Las Vegas. She and I got to talk about Nebraska a little bit, and had a pleasant conversation. It’s true, us Cornhuskers are everywhere. ‘Cuz we want to get the fuck out of Nebraska.
Following the Nascar Caf was the Las Vegas Boulevard run. Imagine… 70+ MINIs going down one of the richest 2-mile four-lane stretches in the nation, taking up all four lanes, honking horns, and doing smokey little tyre burnouts. Even the buses got in on the honking, too. John’s dark silver/black roof MINI sported a full-size American flag out the moonroof, too. Every hooker ad and showgirl sign we saw was followed by a very enthusiastic “Boobs!”. We had a big ole pickup truck full of cute girls inquire about the MINI as well, which was rad. Ultimately, to do 4-miles of road took us an hour and a half. Traffic was pretty thick in the northbound lane, and when you throw in 75 uncoordinated MINIs into the mix, it doesn’t improve. Also, there was one casualty: A girl dropped off her boyfriend at an overhead bridge to snap some pics of all the MINIs on the stretch, and no one bothered to pick him up. He was forgotten, left to fend for himself, begging for quartres and asking “Where’s my girlfriend?” She was kinda cute, too… Hmm… Wonder if he was ever found.
That nite, DB, JC, Jen and Jim, and the I all spent the next three hours at a lounge in the Stardust hotel. There was this god-awful band, Ricky and the Redstreaks. It was, well… god-awful. At one point, when they performed Tina Turner’s Simply the Best, Jim screamed out “Oh my god that woman is a drag queen!” Which seemed very true. DB kept trying to get me to go hit on aging single women and asked them to dance, but I was, ahem, apprehensive. And there were these two old people totally making out in the corner. They most definitely were knockin’ old people boots that nite.
That nite, in the room we stayed in, I found a little card for a firm that offers in-room escorts. For those interested, check out Vegasgirls.com.
Just some random notes on Las Vegas…
-You can get whole catalogues chock full of whores, at little newspaper machines on the streets. They’re everywhere! Chock full of whorey goodness! Dan and Adam, don’t worry, I brought you some home. (Yes Adam, I got you one with fat chicks.)-Amazing Jonathan’s ugly mug is postered everywhere. He is a scary scary man and should be kept away from children.
-The neat thing about Nevada, is no matter where you go, there’s always video poker. At the dry cleaners, the gas station, the laundromat, bloody everywhere.
-I haven’t had Carl’s Jr. (Hardee’s) in ages. Their Six-Dollar Western Burger is straight from of God’s graces, it’s so good.
-If I’m going to blow a million dollars in Vegas, it’s going to be all on nickel slots and strippers.
-When I’m president, my top aide is gonna be a big Italian guy in a track suit and gold chains, like Big Pussy (Vincent Pastore) from the Sopranos. Or maybe Joe Mantegna…
Anyways, that’s all I got. Now go bugger off. Bloody kids and their inter-net machines… Oh, and don’t forget, pictures are here!
Filed Under Meta | Comments Off
